Don’t share your woes

woesWhen I coach individuals and groups on Meditation and share with them the 3 approaches for an effective meditation, a favorite question I get is “I just cannot meditate, it is so hard.” I almost immediately respond back to that question by saying “No it is not hard, you are actually a Master in meditation.” They give me a puzzled stare.

But, it is true. We are masters in meditation. Except that we meditate on the wrong things.

We have learnt to meditate on the negatives in life than the positives. You are driving through a parking lot, rather than meditate with the thought “I will find a parking”, we meditate with the thought “This spot is taken, not there, oh, that lot is full as well and so on…”

You see, what you meditate upon, expands and grows.

The same goes on with the hardships and woes we have our in life. The definition of hardship is subjective. A hardship for me, may not be a hardship at all in your judgment. Each one of us has our own share of hardships. Who does not?

When you keep sharing your woes and hardships, make them a part of your common repertoire, you are actually meditating on them. By definition, when you meditate, you are allowing an expansion. Your woes increase in size and not decrease.

People have their own woes and worries. While you  may think that sharing yours with them is lightening your baggage, in reality that is not happening. On the flip side, you are making the other person depressed even further. You are piling your woes on top of theirs.

The only exception to the above is when you are sharing your woes or troubles with a coach, a guru, a close friend,or  a trusted family member. You are seeking direction in such cases.

There was a Prince who had a very good childhood friend. The friend was a content individual to the core. He also had this ability to be happy and not thrust his problems on others. The two grew up and went on with their own lives. The Prince and the friend had not met for several years. The Prince prospered, while the friend went through a lean period, living a life of abject poverty.

One day the Prince became the King. The friend decided to meet and greet him.  He gathered whatever he could, to offer to the King. They both met and not even once did the friend let out the troubles he was going through. Even the modest offering he made to the King was done with love. It did not take long for the King to realize the situation of his childhood friend, and by the time the friend returned back to his village, the hut he lived was transformed to a palace with no lack of prosperity.

The moral of the story is that even when you don’t share your woes with a trusted individual, they can still connect with you, get a feel of your situation and help your transformation. Like the King did to his friend.

Pick carefully the ones you share your woes with. Seek direction. Do not end up meditating on your troubles.

Action:

1. List our your woes. Which one of them are truly woes?

Sometimes, we count life’s common irritants as woes and get disturbed – Your spouse not putting the towel back in its place, is that truly a woe?

2. Define your close circle. Who is in that close circle? A friend, a coach, a guru, brother, spouse. Keep that circle as small as possible.

3. Do you really have to share your woes with your close circle. The resolution of many of the woes are within you. All that is needed is a change in mindset.

Some of the woes need external help.  If you experience the death of a loved one or have a major setback in life, sharing with a trusted friend, a guru will help. They will help put things in perspective. The event has passed, the loved one has died. The trusted individual will help you expedite and come out of the suffering process.

4. In general, make it a habit to see the better aspects of life. You may be having a hardship, look at it differently – you have a roof above your head and food to eat.

5. Put things in perspective. Life is not that bad.

Who is in your close circle? Leave a comment.

With Bliss
Mahesh

Photo Copyright – Microsoft

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